As any parent will tell you, my life drastically changed the moment my son was born. Just six weeks prior, I returned home from Iraq where I was deployed for the U.S Army. One month after being honorably discharged and moving cross-country, I was holding my son without a clue of what life had in store for me.
I was just 22 years old, a high school graduate, a new veteran, and now a proud dad. Looking at this smiling little boy as he tried his best to focus on the new world around him, I assured him dad would always love him. With that promise I got a new job, moved into a new place, and began my life as a husband and a dad.
Every night, after working long days and driving an hour each way to work, I put him to bed and then prepared for the next day. Every night, without fail, I was there. My wife, taking powerful medications, was unable to care for him at night. While I struggled to balance long work days, a long commute, and a young child with little help at night, I never thought anything of it, but now I realize how much it did strain my marriage. I lived on very few hours of sleep, sometimes broken into segments best measured by minutes. I was never happier though than being able to watch Nathan grow, to see his first steps, and to hear his first words. I have so few pictures from that era but every one of them had a smile on my face.
In the summer of 2001, when Nathan was 3 1/2, we found out Rebecca was coming. With a growing family, we were going to need to move again as we were in a two bedroom apartment. Instead of moving closer to work, we moved back closer to her parents causing me to resume my hour-long commute each way to work. While I was initially opposed to this move, I was really just focused on my son and my soon to be daughter. I worked long hours after work to completely remodel a home along with working full time an hour away, finishing just days before Rebecca was born in April 2002. The long days and sleepless nights were so worth it once I saw her face for the first time. I can remember so many naps taken with her in my arms and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Now with two kids, a busy work schedule, a long commute, and no help with night routines it was no wonder I was soon headed for divorce. In the fall of 2005, we filed for divorce. At the time, my plan was to just keep the kids in their home and Nathan in his school. I left the home in effort to make as little disruption in the kids' lives as possible. I knew this would be a big change for me and my children, but I was also determined not to let it change my love of being a dad for them.
For nearly five years, we had a decent co-parenting situation going on. I was seeing my children constantly and was involved in their schools. However, a little at a time, my duties as a dad were being taken away and off-loaded by my ex-wife onto my ex-in-laws. I used to come over nearly every day, and for a long time, continued to put them to bed multiple times a during the week. Slowly, those days started to become fewer and farther between, until eventually she was using the court order - one we hadn't used in years - to limit me to Wednesdays and every other weekend.
I had gone from an every night dad to four nights a month. Even those days began to get taken away due to sudden "illnesses" or being told "the children don't want to go with you this weekend". I was devastated. I had so little time with my children. In my pain, I began isolating myself from my friends and family. I continued going to the same job I had now had for over a decade, but it was little more than a distraction from how depressed I was becoming.
This revocation of my parental rights was being executed systematically as revenge by my ex-in-laws for leaving their daughter, who was incapable of providing for herself or the children alone. I showed up to school events and softball games, but it was becoming harder and harder to spend time with them. My work was not only a distraction but I knew that my ex-wife had never worked a day in her life, so the children were wholly dependent on my support and insurance. I kept going to work every day and doing my best to see my children, but it was so difficult to balance.
At this same time, my ex-wife came into contact with her old high-school boyfriend and just a few weeks later, he was moved into the house with my children. A complete stranger had just entered my children's lives and was living in the house I was paying for. A complete stranger could see my kids every day but I was not welcome. A complete stranger my ex-wife had zero contact with for 15 years suddenly just moved in, unannounced. I did not even have a name for this person who was now living with my children.
I was told by my ex that this person's name was Mike and anything else was none of my business. I called lawyers and the police but was told unless there was a danger to the children or it was in my divorce decree, it was of no concern to them. Without even having a full name for this person, I was at a loss. How did I know he wasn't a danger? I was eventually able to get a name and I immediately did a background check on this stranger and I anxiously awaited the results.
As I had feared by the few encounters with him up to this point, the man now living in the house with my son and daughter was a convicted felon, having served prison time for fraud, had records of arrest for domestic abuse and assault, and history of running from the cops. He had a current warrant for child support in another state. He had a suspended driver's license and was driving our children to school daily in an unregistered and uninsured car that the bank was looking to repossess. Armed with this information, I sent it to my ex-wife who's only reply was "you don't know him". Well, neither do you...
Soon after, at the end of my very next (and what would be the last) visitation with the children, and with my very sick mother with me, this felon exits the safety of the house and throws himself in front of my car as we are backing out of the driveway. Clearly, he found out about me updating his new address for his warrant, and was very angry. He attempted to open the car door and reached through the open window. I spun the tires and drove the car closer to the house in an attempt to get away, giving him no room and forcing him to let go of the car. I left with my sick mother in tow, and thought the worst had just happened.
It hadn't. A few months later, and with no warning, two police officers arrested me at work for "felony assault with a deadly weapon". They walked into a meeting in progress, cuffed me, and read me my rights right in front of my co-workers, including my supervisor. No police report or statement had been taken from me as to what transpired and there were no phone calls to contact me between the incident and the arrest. I would later find out this was due to her parents connections to the police department and my ex-wife purposely giving them old contact information so that it would appear I was eluding the police that resulted in them issuing a warrant for my arrest, thus the police decided to arrest me where they could find me - at work.
With this arrest, I instantly lost my engineering job of 12 years and subsequently my house, my car, and everything else I had worked for. The charges were immediately thrown out in court, but the damage was already done.
At this point, I really hit bottom. I couldn't see or talk to my kids, I was unsure where I was going to sleep from night to night, and I was for the first time in over a decade, I was unemployed. That incident was the last time I saw my children. I did not know then that it would be the last time.
I did not have a name to describe what was happening to me but couldn't fathom that parents would not be able to see their children. I was hired back at my previous employer under a third party contract and immediately tried putting the pieces back together. My ex used the arrest to get a temporary order taking away any and all visitation time, while at the same time petitioning for more money, even though all charges had already been dropped. It was a long and costly process to basically get back to where I was before this lie that got me arrested, and at the time I could not afford it. That somehow was eight years ago.
Over eight years of not seeing my children, or being able to even talk to them. My only view into their lives is through social media but that is not a regular occurrence. Sometimes I feel like they let me view their lives, and then for whatever reason they will cut me off.
I did get to see my son Nathan briefly just after his 21st birthday in August 2019 but my ex-wife would not let Rebecca come to the door. Nathan parroted the typical brainwashing and beliefs of an alienated child, speaking of details of the divorce he had no way of knowing at the time as a child. My own son called me Michael and not Dad. He spoke of me "abandoning them," and he was not interested in hearing anything that didn't come from his mother.
Learning about Parental Alienation, I knew these words and these stories would be coming, but it is still difficult to hear coming back from your own child. So with this, I want them to know I will always be there for them and I will always answer the phone when they call. I will continue to heal and to grow as a person and as a father so I can be the best parent for them when they are ready.
I love you Nathan and Rebecca,
Since my divorce, I have been going through a steady stream of parental alienation at the hands of my ex-wife. During the divorce proceedings, my ex was adamant that the children should never have overnights with me. She started to reinforce this with little justification in December of 2018 while we were still separated.
Keep in mind that my ex-wife did not work while we were married, since very shortly after she gave birth to our first child, some 12 years ago, and throughout the marriage we were either reliant on my parents for assistance, blew through the inheritance they left me (since they both passed away), or had severe money issues while I tried to work 2 jobs. I was on the fence about leaving my ex-wife due to having a little sympathy for leaving an unemployed woman home alone with 3 children and 2 dogs, but her lack of help, and lack of love and emotional support on any level, made me miserable and probably could be considered emotional abuse. When we divorced, we had not slept in the same bed for over 7 years. She blamed this on my weight, my snoring, and other factors, but she was happy to have 3 children with me and have me take care of her financially without any support from her.
While she was a stay at home mother, she did not take care of the house. She expected me to cook and clean, while working 2 jobs for most of the marriage, or living off of inheritance for a period of 2 years, working in her family business as a second job. This is the same business where she worked before she decided raising children and working was too much for her. My home was in such disarray that family services was called by a third party and the children were removed from the home until the house was cleaned and renovated due to a hoarding issue and mouse infestation. I was the one who had to do most of the cleanup with help from my family, and blew through most of my inheritance on the repair and renovations of the house without much help from her or her family.
Towards the end of 2017, I decided that we cannot be married and my ex even recommended we get divorced and stay under the same roof, to which I responded that we have to go to marriage counseling. Keep in mind, I was working a second job at a nursing home working from 8:30 AM - 9:00 PM every night due to severe money troubles. So much so that if I did not get help from my brothers, we were in danger of foreclosing on the home I dumped most of my inheritance into.
We went to marriage counseling and proved that neither of us could successfully communicate to each other, and the therapist in a side session advised me to run. It really took me until March or April to decide I no longer wanted to be with her, and at certain points looked for apartments on my own. I finally told my ex, 3 days before the fight that ended our relationship, that I planned to move out. She begged me to stay. At the end of April 2018, we had a physical altercation. After she hit me multiple times, the last slap across the face I responded to, and I am not proud of it to this very day.
In the temporary agreement for the divorce, I agreed to pay her mortgage, electric and cable, provide her with child support and separate alimony, and paid for her car for a short time. I also agreed to only take the children on every Sunday thinking the process might take a couple of months. It extended for a full year, and my apartment was not ready to host children at that time. Eventually we settled on me having the children every other weekend… until the first weekend for me to take the kids came around.
The week prior, my ex kept badgering me to pay for sleep-away camp that she unilaterally decided the children would attend, without considering how much both of us could reasonably afford. During this same time, she was insistent that I did not take the children for overnights even during my first weekend with them, despite the fact the agreement allowed for a phase in period where I would take them Friday night, drop them off Saturday night, and pick them up Sunday. I initially told her what she wanted to hear, but after I picked the children up that weekend, I emailed her that I will not be taking them home that night and insisted on keeping the children. Her response was to call the police saying I kidnapped the children.
I cooperated with the police and while busy with them, my middle daughter (who my ex arranged a playdate for in New York City the next day) called her mother and insisted on being taken home. My children are 12 (M), 10 (F) and 8(F), and she was crying to the point that I felt taking her and her siblings back to their mother was the only way not to traumatize them. My son did sleep over that overnight, and that was the last time that he slept by me on a Friday.
In the months to follow, my middle daughter stopped coming to parenting time and a few months after that my youngest daughter followed suit. The last time I spoke with them face-to-face was on a Friday under the supervision of police officers, after I took my ex back to court on a Motion to enforce litigants rights. This stated the police shall take all steps necessary to enforce the court ordered visitation agreement. The reality is, this is not much help, as they refuse to take the children out of the house and keep sending me back to the courts.
Presently I am trying to get the children into family therapy. At this time, I have an appointment scheduled after the holidays to start the healing on some level. However, the children do not provide realistic answers as to why they don't want to see me, and I don't want to create more trouble for my ex than reality will give her. As far as I can tell, she has not paid the mortgage since the last time I paid it in May 2019. While she might be applying for relief, who knows if she will ever have the intention of not letting things foreclose. She has planned (or represented she planned) a Bar Mitzvah for our son without telling me the information and has pulled all children from therapy (my oldest 2 were going, youngest never did) for a litany of reasons, without intention of their return to therapy.
After declaring bankruptcy and clearing it, I have had to take out loans from friends to hire an attorney to negotiate with her attorney (how can she pay an attorney, but not her mortgage?) to make sure that we get on the right track. Day after day, I just feel less responsible for everything and really don't want to go back to the constant gut punches of my kids not speaking with me, not coming with me for parenting time, and the inability of anyone, even the courts, to provide real solutions to remedy this alienation.
I keep hearing from multiple sources (including family services who was called by the police to investigate an incident where I tried to pick up my daughter to take her to parenting time, despite her resistance) that children are resilient and they will see the abuse, but possession is 9/10ths of the law and she already has shut the dogs out of my life (one passed away) so why would the children be any different? Yet, I still have to pay child support and hang out there for her extortion. Like always, it seems I am good enough to suck dry financially, but not good enough to have a healthy familial relationship on any level. What can I do? What will happen to my children?
My oldest son has ADHD. My ex has failed to provide him with proper psychological treatment and refuses to medicate him. This does affect him in school: he shuts down in class, falls asleep a lot of the time, and hides in his video games from a world that I am sure he feels does not understand him. He is especially not understood by his mother. ADHD is prevalent and diagnosed/treated in my family. If it exists in her family, they have no empathy for it. My daughters will be raised by someone with a Cluster B personality disorder, as diagnosed by my son's therapist, our marriage counselor, and my ex's old therapist. The children will have unwarranted and untrue issues towards me. I was the one trying to keep things afloat while my ex couldn't bother to help me on any level and blamed me for all of life’s failures.
She is so much like her brother, whom she has been estranged from for 10 years now, her step-sister who she has actively hated for years, and her mother who sometimes comes in and out of the picture when my ex can get something out of her. She will find a way to turn on my girls and leave them for dead by not having the benefit of a father who is looking to turn his life around, build a solid foundation for his family, find a loving relationship and partner to work together in life, and make things just work out.
I might not be in the Chicagoland area, but certainly, out in New Jersey, this is a problem as well. People don't understand the impacts of it and the system doesn't provide proper ways to protect children from parental alienation.
My stepchildren are brainwashed and there is not one thing I can do about it. The courts perpetuate it, the enablers enable it, and the lawyers get rich off it. The only thing I can do is speak about how Parental Alienation has affected the life of my family, and my life, in the hopes that our scars will be used as someone else’s lighthouse to get them through dark times. I’m an alienated stepmother, and this is my story.
I met my husband after our divorces. He had been divorced much longer than I, but nonetheless we understood each other and his empathy and caring for both me and my son blew me away from the start. From the very beginning of our relationship through the present, he consistently goes above and beyond to make sure my son’s father is included, feels welcome, and knows that our child’s best interest is always at the front of his mind. My son was only 3 when my husband came into the picture, and since the first day they met, my son has loved and cared for his now step-father. My husband has always been cognizant of appreciating and participating in his fatherly role in my son’s life, but in such a way that no one at any point felt that he was intruding. My son refers to his “mom and two dads” now when talking about his parents. We all co-parent well and have for the last five years.
Why am I mentioning this? Because during our whole relationship, over five years, I have not ever been afforded the opportunity to meet my step-daughter, now 17. On August 31, 2019, I met my step-son for the first time, just after his 21st birthday. I looked straight into his eyes, the eyes identical to my husband’s, while he repeated well-rehearsed words: I don’t want any kind of relationship with either of you. He spoke slowly, nervously shuffling his hands in his pocket, pain in his eyes, as his alienating mother looked out approvingly from behind the screen door.
Not once for as long as I’ve known him has my husband had so much as a functioning phone number or email address by which he could reach his children. The only way he has to reach them is the address of the house in Marshall, MI, that he remodeled for the kids and his ex-wife while he was still married to her. In 2011, she moved a felon (who has done prison time) into the home and married him, while together with her parents, systematically removing my husband from all aspects of his children’s lives. From the felon pretending to be my husband so that his ex-wife could pull the children out of school to “home school” them, to illegal name changes, they have tried to delete him in any way possible from my stepchildren’s lives.
The lies they tell my stepchildren to get them to go along with cutting their father out of their lives are far beyond things I would wish to imagine. My husband never left them. He divorced their mother, and for five years they did share custody… until the felon came into the picture. My husband never abandoned them. He tried to visit over and over, and each time his ex-wife called the police in attempts to get him arrested. His ex-wife even had him falsely arrested once, weeks after a visit, since family connections to the town’s police force had no problem arresting him at his job of 12 years for a false report that the judge immediately threw out. My husband never abused them, despite his ex-wife’s continuous attempts to implant false memories into the children’s minds.
His ex-wife is enabled by her retired parents who have drained their savings paying for her mess. She is currently perpetuating her Munchhausen by Proxy, given to her by her mother, onto my step-children. She has never held a job for more than a day at K-mart prior to having children. She lives off my husband’s child support (that free ride will end in April), the state of MI, and the tens of thousands of dollars of debt on the credit cards she has in her and her father’s name. Yes – this is a 40+-year-old woman who still shares credit cards with her 70+-year-old dad. As if that weren’t gross enough, she and the felon have opened credit cards in my stepchildren’s names and run up tens of thousands of dollars in debt for them too. And at 17 and 21, my stepchildren don’t even know it yet. The felon cannot hold a job for more than a few weeks, but he sure does enjoy accumulating things without paying for them, which is why he was in prison to begin with: Uttering & Publishing. This means he intentionally wrote fraudulent checks and attempted to cash them – his police report is public information and if you know where to look you can find out all about his criminal record.
My stepchildren’s mother has denied them an education and has financially tanked them through credit card debt in attempt to keep them in her house, under her thumb, in Marshall, MI. If they stay, the cycle of abuse will undoubtedly continue. Alienators beget more alienators. I cringe at the thought of my stepchildren and their future families. The damage, brainwashing, and pain… how many more generations will have to endure this before they decide to break the cycle? I ask this question over and over, but an answer does not come.
I didn’t know the extent of the deep, dark, abuse that is parental alienation when I met my husband, but I wouldn’t change having him in my life for a single thing. I am frequently asked why I’m so passionate about advocating for parental alienation awareness and prevention. The answer is very easy: I love my husband. He consistently brings so much love, joy, and laughter into the lives of me and my son, and so many times has been our rock. I see how much pain and destruction has been caused by the parental alienation every single day. No person should have to endure this abuse.
There is not one day that passes that my husband and I don’t think of his children and pray for their health and happiness, and that one day they’ll realize the truth and reach back out to their dad. It is beyond tragic that they haven’t been permitted to experience his amazing, unconditional love, or to know his family, in the last 8+ years. We will never stop holding hope that one day they desire to pursue the truth. My stepchildren will always be welcomed into our home, because even though they don’t know me, I love them. They will forever be part of my husband. I hope one day they have the courage to knock on the door.
I’m an alienated stepmother, but that isn’t my defining characteristic. I’m an alienated stepmother, but I have so much love in my life. I’m an alienated stepmother, and I’ll always protect children’s rights and be a voice for those who cannot speak. I’m an alienated stepmother, and one day maybe I’ll just be a stepmother. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, I am so grateful for the unconditional love in my life. We hope we can extend our love to his children one day, when they are ready. We will never give up on them.
I am not a criminal. I am a victim. I am now your victim.
Up until now, I thought my worst enemy was my ex-husband, who has spent the last 8 years trying to destroy me. He has threatened my life and taken my children from me. Then came you.
In 2015 you decided to teach me a lesson. As I represented myself in your courtroom, I did the best I could. My ex-husband was so caught up in his lies he contradicted his own testimony on the stand. I objected and got a piece of his evidence thrown out because he submitted an incomplete document. The Guardian ad Litem also did the best she could. She gave a plain, clear testimony that he was, without a doubt, emotionally and psychologically abusing our children. But I made one mistake. I failed to call myself as a witness. Both because I just didn’t know how and because I assumed the GaL’s testimony was what you needed to hear anyway. I assumed her unbiased recommendation would carry more weight than his and my “he said, she said” arguing.
Fast forward 4 years.
You continuously punish me for this mistake, and you have chosen money as your weapon. You force me to give him money I don’t have and make me pay his lawyer’s fees on top of that.
We came up with a payment plan. I was to give him the first payment by the 1st of the month. The court order had clear instructions to pay through the monitored website (the one you force me to pay to use) where I would have been able to use a card to make this payment. But he filed yet another emergency motion and we were in court that morning. I hadn’t made the payment yet. I was waiting for things to clear and settle in my account then planned to log in and pay by the end of business on the first. That was not good enough for you. You asked if I had my checkbook. You made me take it out of my purse. At this point I politely asked to address the court. You said no. You refused me my right to speak for myself in your courtroom. Then you forced me to write him a check. I wanted to address you to let you know I needed to follow YOUR court order and pay through the website using a card. But you didn’t allow me to tell you that. You didn’t allow me to tell you that the funds would not be available in my checking account that morning. Your forced me to write a check there were no funds behind.
When the check did not go through, you ordered that the entire amount was due immediately. Shockingly, the opposing council agreed to give me time and set the hearing date nearly a month out. If I could somehow magically come up with the total amount before then, all would have been dropped. And in the meantime, you told me I had to get an attorney. I also had to change jobs and take a significant pay cut. So far, my petition to re-evaluate child support based on my even lower income has been ignored completely.
I was able to find an attorney just in time for our court date. She was going to ask for a continuance to give her time to familiarize herself with our case, but you didn’t let her speak either. You steamrolled her, too. You forced me to pay her to fight for me, then didn’t let her do her job.
You are biased. You have now, on several occasions, made statements on the record that show this. “I’ve known (previous lawyer) for years, I know what the problems are.” So, you admit that you and your friend are having backroom chats about my case, and me? Because I certainly haven’t been allowed to testify to anything. So, what is it you know about me, the personal opinions of my former attorney? You are making rulings based on personal opinion.
You mocked my mental health in your open courtroom. “Are you seeing someone? Are you taking your meds?” You asked in your most demeaning tone. I’m very glad the courtroom records these things.
Then, as you had your bailiff handcuff me, you said, “I don’t know, how long will she be in there? 2 nights, two weeks? It could be up to 6 months if she doesn’t come up with the money.” You court-ordered me to make payments with money you are fully aware I don’t have, and then you sent me to jail for not being able to pay. You continually punish me for being a low income, single woman. Then put me in jail knowing full well I don’t have the money to get myself out. You put me in a place where you are risking my job, my only source of income, and then question my financial stability in court.
I am fortunate enough to have family that were able to come through for me, and I was only there for a few hours; never even had to change out of my street clothes. But, again, this is not their divorce, nor is it their responsibility. You forced me into a place where I had to beg for help, putting serious strain on my familial relationships. You have taken food out of the mouths of their families to give to my ex-husband and his “extra expenses” that are a bullshit list of things that were already covered under child support.
What if they didn’t have the money? What if no one was able to help me for days or at all? I lose my job, lose my home and car, and end up homeless yet again under your rule. How is putting their mother in jail what is best for my children? How is your making it nearly impossible to contribute to my children’s wellbeing at all what is best for them?
It is my ex-husband’s goal to make me sign over my parental rights. He has made that more than clear. You allow him to push for this. You allow him to have my children call another woman, “Mom.” You allow him to cancel my visitation time with no notice and no reason. He has broken so many court orders I can’t even list them all. Yet, I’m the one who sat in jail.
You are biased, and I am your victim.
Where does this end, judge? You have now set the precedent that my ex-husband, the alienator, can make all the decisions, hold me financially responsible, and simply have me thrown in jail for not being able to afford the same luxuries he and his two-income household can. You and opposing council have both said, “just have someone loan you the money,” as if that’s a valid form of currency.
You are now his sharpest weapon.
He will continue to push harder because you let him, for as long as you let him. So, tell me judge, what is next? What further crime will you aid and abet? When my ex-husband stole right from my home, you victim-shamed me, saying I must be crazy, and took away my right to see my own children. How will you victimize and shame me next?
An open letter to the judge who is ruining my life.
Looking at your age, I will wager to guess that you have adult children around my age. Going on that assumption, I am going to go one step further and guess that you have grandchildren. I imagine you and your husband have built a beautiful family together and have a lot to be proud of. I imagine you love being grandparents.
Because of your rulings, I may never get to be a grandparent.
You see, it was clear to our previous judge that my ex-husband was not fit to have custody of our children. I was awarded sole custody very shortly after filing for divorce. In all 8 years of our case, the Guardian ad Litem (GaL) has never once recommended he have custody of our children. She very clearly testified against him in our 2015 custody trial. She used the words “water boarding” to describe his treatment of our children and clearly stated that he was alienating the children from me. And yet, on a technicality, you completely ignored the GaL’s testimony (the GaL your forced us to appoint and spend thousands of dollars on), and you awarded him sole custody. You handed the children to their abuser on a silver platter and changed my life forever simply to punish me for attempting to represent myself.
Sometimes I wonder if you misread my desperation as arrogance. I assure you that was not arrogance. I came into your courtroom in 2015 with full faith in the family court system and truly believed that you, our judge, would do everything in your power to protect our children.
You have failed us.
Over and over again since that trial, you have failed me and my children. You consistently punish me for being a single woman living on a third year teacher’s salary. You gave him sole custody leaving me out of every decision made for our children, yet force me to contribute money that I can’t afford to cover the costs of his choices. You believe every lie he tells you and fail to see the bigger picture. You shame me as the victim. You fail to see that my actions are only reactions to his.
You have insulted my intelligence and mocked my mental health status in your open courtroom and never considered that my anxiety and stress is coming from 18 years of being verbally and psychologically abused by this man. This man had my children steal hundreds of dollars of goods from my home, and you punished me.
I have now not been allowed contact with my children for two months. My son started middle school this year, I was not a part of that. My daughter is now a freshman in high school. How has her transition been going? Is she going to Homecoming? Is she going with friends or did a boy ask her to be his date? Another woman bought my daughter her first semi-formal dress. Another woman did her hair and make-up. My children call another woman Mom.
As an American, I have the right to represent myself in your courtroom. Yet time and time again you have denied me the right to speak in your courtroom because I’m not an attorney. Due to your unfair treatment of me, I am forced to hire an attorney with money I don’t have, after you have increased my child support to cover expenses that I don’t have control over, while you are punishing me by forcing me to cover fees for his attorney. You have forced me into a poverty cycle that I will never be able to break. I am a teacher. The only way to move up the pay scale is to further my education, I cannot do this while my student loans are in default because I’m being punished for being poor. You and my ex-husband constantly throw my “instability” in my face and use it against me in your courtroom when you are the ones causing it. I will never financially recover from this divorce and custody change if you continue to force me to spend more and more money that I don’t have. You even went as far as deciding how I will spend my 2019 tax return. You have no right to tell me how to spend that and guess what…. It will likely be withheld again and put towards my student loans. So, what do you suggest I do then? Opposing counsel said I should just have someone loan me the money to cover the fees you are forcing me to pay her. I ask you, Your Honor, who in my life is obligated to loan me money? No one. You cannot force punishment on me knowing full well the money isn’t there and expect my family and friends to cover it. This is not their divorce. I believe that what you are doing is actually illegal, but I guess I’m no expert.
If you’d like to continue backing me into a corner, go ahead. There’s obviously nothing I can do at this point to remove the unfair bias you clearly have towards me. So, in the next few months, when I become homeless for the third time since you took over as our judge, I hope you think of me every time you hug one of your grandchildren.
This blog is written by those living through parental alienation. Some authors have chosen to remain anonymous. Silence breeds abuse.
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