My stepchildren are brainwashed and there is not one thing I can do about it. The courts perpetuate it, the enablers enable it, and the lawyers get rich off it. The only thing I can do is speak about how Parental Alienation has affected the life of my family, and my life, in the hopes that our scars will be used as someone else’s lighthouse to get them through dark times. I’m an alienated stepmother, and this is my story.
I met my husband after our divorces. He had been divorced much longer than I, but nonetheless we understood each other and his empathy and caring for both me and my son blew me away from the start. From the very beginning of our relationship through the present, he consistently goes above and beyond to make sure my son’s father is included, feels welcome, and knows that our child’s best interest is always at the front of his mind. My son was only 3 when my husband came into the picture, and since the first day they met, my son has loved and cared for his now step-father. My husband has always been cognizant of appreciating and participating in his fatherly role in my son’s life, but in such a way that no one at any point felt that he was intruding. My son refers to his “mom and two dads” now when talking about his parents. We all co-parent well and have for the last five years.
Why am I mentioning this? Because during our whole relationship, over five years, I have not ever been afforded the opportunity to meet my step-daughter, now 17. On August 31, 2019, I met my step-son for the first time, just after his 21st birthday. I looked straight into his eyes, the eyes identical to my husband’s, while he repeated well-rehearsed words: I don’t want any kind of relationship with either of you. He spoke slowly, nervously shuffling his hands in his pocket, pain in his eyes, as his alienating mother looked out approvingly from behind the screen door.
Not once for as long as I’ve known him has my husband had so much as a functioning phone number or email address by which he could reach his children. The only way he has to reach them is the address of the house in Marshall, MI, that he remodeled for the kids and his ex-wife while he was still married to her. In 2011, she moved a felon (who has done prison time) into the home and married him, while together with her parents, systematically removing my husband from all aspects of his children’s lives. From the felon pretending to be my husband so that his ex-wife could pull the children out of school to “home school” them, to illegal name changes, they have tried to delete him in any way possible from my stepchildren’s lives.
The lies they tell my stepchildren to get them to go along with cutting their father out of their lives are far beyond things I would wish to imagine. My husband never left them. He divorced their mother, and for five years they did share custody… until the felon came into the picture. My husband never abandoned them. He tried to visit over and over, and each time his ex-wife called the police in attempts to get him arrested. His ex-wife even had him falsely arrested once, weeks after a visit, since family connections to the town’s police force had no problem arresting him at his job of 12 years for a false report that the judge immediately threw out. My husband never abused them, despite his ex-wife’s continuous attempts to implant false memories into the children’s minds.
His ex-wife is enabled by her retired parents who have drained their savings paying for her mess. She is currently perpetuating her Munchhausen by Proxy, given to her by her mother, onto my step-children. She has never held a job for more than a day at K-mart prior to having children. She lives off my husband’s child support (that free ride will end in April), the state of MI, and the tens of thousands of dollars of debt on the credit cards she has in her and her father’s name. Yes – this is a 40+-year-old woman who still shares credit cards with her 70+-year-old dad. As if that weren’t gross enough, she and the felon have opened credit cards in my stepchildren’s names and run up tens of thousands of dollars in debt for them too. And at 17 and 21, my stepchildren don’t even know it yet. The felon cannot hold a job for more than a few weeks, but he sure does enjoy accumulating things without paying for them, which is why he was in prison to begin with: Uttering & Publishing. This means he intentionally wrote fraudulent checks and attempted to cash them – his police report is public information and if you know where to look you can find out all about his criminal record.
My stepchildren’s mother has denied them an education and has financially tanked them through credit card debt in attempt to keep them in her house, under her thumb, in Marshall, MI. If they stay, the cycle of abuse will undoubtedly continue. Alienators beget more alienators. I cringe at the thought of my stepchildren and their future families. The damage, brainwashing, and pain… how many more generations will have to endure this before they decide to break the cycle? I ask this question over and over, but an answer does not come.
I didn’t know the extent of the deep, dark, abuse that is parental alienation when I met my husband, but I wouldn’t change having him in my life for a single thing. I am frequently asked why I’m so passionate about advocating for parental alienation awareness and prevention. The answer is very easy: I love my husband. He consistently brings so much love, joy, and laughter into the lives of me and my son, and so many times has been our rock. I see how much pain and destruction has been caused by the parental alienation every single day. No person should have to endure this abuse.
There is not one day that passes that my husband and I don’t think of his children and pray for their health and happiness, and that one day they’ll realize the truth and reach back out to their dad. It is beyond tragic that they haven’t been permitted to experience his amazing, unconditional love, or to know his family, in the last 8+ years. We will never stop holding hope that one day they desire to pursue the truth. My stepchildren will always be welcomed into our home, because even though they don’t know me, I love them. They will forever be part of my husband. I hope one day they have the courage to knock on the door.
I’m an alienated stepmother, but that isn’t my defining characteristic. I’m an alienated stepmother, but I have so much love in my life. I’m an alienated stepmother, and I’ll always protect children’s rights and be a voice for those who cannot speak. I’m an alienated stepmother, and one day maybe I’ll just be a stepmother. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, I am so grateful for the unconditional love in my life. We hope we can extend our love to his children one day, when they are ready. We will never give up on them.
This blog is written by those living through parental alienation. Some authors have chosen to remain anonymous. Silence breeds abuse.
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