I am not a criminal. I am a victim. I am now your victim.
Up until now, I thought my worst enemy was my ex-husband, who has spent the last 8 years trying to destroy me. He has threatened my life and taken my children from me. Then came you.
In 2015 you decided to teach me a lesson. As I represented myself in your courtroom, I did the best I could. My ex-husband was so caught up in his lies he contradicted his own testimony on the stand. I objected and got a piece of his evidence thrown out because he submitted an incomplete document. The Guardian ad Litem also did the best she could. She gave a plain, clear testimony that he was, without a doubt, emotionally and psychologically abusing our children. But I made one mistake. I failed to call myself as a witness. Both because I just didn’t know how and because I assumed the GaL’s testimony was what you needed to hear anyway. I assumed her unbiased recommendation would carry more weight than his and my “he said, she said” arguing.
Fast forward 4 years.
You continuously punish me for this mistake, and you have chosen money as your weapon. You force me to give him money I don’t have and make me pay his lawyer’s fees on top of that.
We came up with a payment plan. I was to give him the first payment by the 1st of the month. The court order had clear instructions to pay through the monitored website (the one you force me to pay to use) where I would have been able to use a card to make this payment. But he filed yet another emergency motion and we were in court that morning. I hadn’t made the payment yet. I was waiting for things to clear and settle in my account then planned to log in and pay by the end of business on the first. That was not good enough for you. You asked if I had my checkbook. You made me take it out of my purse. At this point I politely asked to address the court. You said no. You refused me my right to speak for myself in your courtroom. Then you forced me to write him a check. I wanted to address you to let you know I needed to follow YOUR court order and pay through the website using a card. But you didn’t allow me to tell you that. You didn’t allow me to tell you that the funds would not be available in my checking account that morning. Your forced me to write a check there were no funds behind.
When the check did not go through, you ordered that the entire amount was due immediately. Shockingly, the opposing council agreed to give me time and set the hearing date nearly a month out. If I could somehow magically come up with the total amount before then, all would have been dropped. And in the meantime, you told me I had to get an attorney. I also had to change jobs and take a significant pay cut. So far, my petition to re-evaluate child support based on my even lower income has been ignored completely.
I was able to find an attorney just in time for our court date. She was going to ask for a continuance to give her time to familiarize herself with our case, but you didn’t let her speak either. You steamrolled her, too. You forced me to pay her to fight for me, then didn’t let her do her job.
You are biased. You have now, on several occasions, made statements on the record that show this. “I’ve known (previous lawyer) for years, I know what the problems are.” So, you admit that you and your friend are having backroom chats about my case, and me? Because I certainly haven’t been allowed to testify to anything. So, what is it you know about me, the personal opinions of my former attorney? You are making rulings based on personal opinion.
You mocked my mental health in your open courtroom. “Are you seeing someone? Are you taking your meds?” You asked in your most demeaning tone. I’m very glad the courtroom records these things.
Then, as you had your bailiff handcuff me, you said, “I don’t know, how long will she be in there? 2 nights, two weeks? It could be up to 6 months if she doesn’t come up with the money.” You court-ordered me to make payments with money you are fully aware I don’t have, and then you sent me to jail for not being able to pay. You continually punish me for being a low income, single woman. Then put me in jail knowing full well I don’t have the money to get myself out. You put me in a place where you are risking my job, my only source of income, and then question my financial stability in court.
I am fortunate enough to have family that were able to come through for me, and I was only there for a few hours; never even had to change out of my street clothes. But, again, this is not their divorce, nor is it their responsibility. You forced me into a place where I had to beg for help, putting serious strain on my familial relationships. You have taken food out of the mouths of their families to give to my ex-husband and his “extra expenses” that are a bullshit list of things that were already covered under child support.
What if they didn’t have the money? What if no one was able to help me for days or at all? I lose my job, lose my home and car, and end up homeless yet again under your rule. How is putting their mother in jail what is best for my children? How is your making it nearly impossible to contribute to my children’s wellbeing at all what is best for them?
It is my ex-husband’s goal to make me sign over my parental rights. He has made that more than clear. You allow him to push for this. You allow him to have my children call another woman, “Mom.” You allow him to cancel my visitation time with no notice and no reason. He has broken so many court orders I can’t even list them all. Yet, I’m the one who sat in jail.
You are biased, and I am your victim.
Where does this end, judge? You have now set the precedent that my ex-husband, the alienator, can make all the decisions, hold me financially responsible, and simply have me thrown in jail for not being able to afford the same luxuries he and his two-income household can. You and opposing council have both said, “just have someone loan you the money,” as if that’s a valid form of currency.
You are now his sharpest weapon.
He will continue to push harder because you let him, for as long as you let him. So, tell me judge, what is next? What further crime will you aid and abet? When my ex-husband stole right from my home, you victim-shamed me, saying I must be crazy, and took away my right to see my own children. How will you victimize and shame me next?
This blog is written by those living through parental alienation. Some authors have chosen to remain anonymous. Silence breeds abuse.
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